Happy birthday to...me!

     Today was my 19th birthday- crazy! I usually struggle a lot with sadness on my birthday; I'm not so sure why, but today was really good! I went downtown to Savannah with my parents for lunch. We went to this little place called the Gryphon; all the employees are students at SCAD. Our waitress was actually majoring in industrial design, mostly mobility aids for kids- very cool! I ordered White Bean Lemon Soup...it was so so good! I absolutely love soup.

    After that, we went to get ice cream; I think I got some sort of coconut flavor. We stopped in a vintage toy shop, which had lots of Barbies. We also poked around some comic shops. That was all we really did. I still had to go home and pack up the rest of my bedroom to move it to my apartment. I'm also going to see Les Mis at my local theater and get Korean BBQ Saturday... so my birthday is a little split up. 

    

Gifts!

I thought I'd share some of the gifts I got today; they all made me feel really seen. I got a Vera Bradley water bottle and a Frankentien's creature Skullector from my parents. I was super excited about both! I really want to take the creature doll with me to Epic Universe in a few months, but I get nervous taking collector dolls places. My friend Mia surprised me with the Barbie X Monster High doll, and oh my goodness, was I happy!! I've been wanting her for a while and thought I'd never get her. My friend Hailey got me a Tinker Bell figure, a Muppets DVD, and a Kermit mug!! I can't wait to display everything!

Bye-bye for now!

 

Change, change, change!

    Right now, my life is nothing but change. My birthday is in just a few days; I'm moving out and into an apartment, and im starting my sophomore year of college. I thought, why not treat August like it's New Year's? Here are a few things I plan on doing to improve myself and my life. 

1. Makeup 

    For whatever reason, I feel a lot better when I do my makeup in the morning. So, when it comes to school —on the days I don't do my makeup, I feel sort of sluggish. Recently I've been doing a bit of concealer under my eyes and on my eyelids. Then, just a little bit of brown and pink eyeshadow on the outer corners. I use a tad bit of shimmer on the inner corners of my eyes. I finish with powdered blush and mascara. My makeup used to be a lot darker when it came to eyeshadow; I like what I do now-- it's brighter. Happier. 

2. Movement 

   

    To be entirely honest, I don't seek out movement much. It's something I'm very aware of. I often try to make excuses for it-- I have low iron blah blah blah, but that's a bunch of nothing, right? While visiting my family in New York, we went hiking, and I really enjoyed it. Actually, I do enjoy movement when I actually get around to it. So,  I want to try walking outside more. I love rollerblading, so that too. But what's going to be most helpful is the yoga class im taking this semester- I'll be forced to move. Simply: move more, you'll feel better in more ways than one! 

3. Outfits

    Similar to the makeup situation, wearing clothes that make me feel like me is so important. Last semester, I would sort of just throw on a hoodie and jeans, pull my hair up into a ponytail, and call it a day. But I usually felt so icky because of it. I'd like to make sure I'm being intentional with my outfits from here on out. Especially for school. I've already gone Depop hunting. 

Happy New Year!

Moving out: a scary, yet necessary action ⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢

 

    This will be my sophomore year of college. Now, moving wasn't entirely a choice for me. I attend Georgia Southern University-- which has two campuses. The campus I spent my first year at no longer has the classes I need for my major (multi-media and film production). So, I have to move. I got a townhouse apartment, very cute. I feel very unprepared, but isn't that part of it all? I'm sure everything will be just fine. I have become very open to change...come at me! 

    

Second Semester

    I'm not much of a New Years person. By that I mean I've never really sat down and made resolutions or viewed January first as a fresh start. It's constricting and for me at least, unrealistic. However, I've noticed a shift in myself just this month, so I thought I'd talk a bit about that-- what I'm thinking, doing, all that good stuff. 

    For starters, I have three different journals at the moment. I usually stick to one the entire year. One is for long form entrees, you know-- things like how my day is going. The second is for film research (I never use it), and my most recent one was influenced by a YouTube video I watched about a week ago. I watched Josephine's video, "A Notebook To Save You From Doomscrolling". To be entirely honest, I can't remember much of what her point was, however I really liked her idea of this journal that ends in the middle. In the back of just been scribbling down every little thought that comes to mind, things like "My professor kind of sounds like Tom Hanks" and "Read Anne Sexton". I feel like it's good for my brain. Having ADHD really overloads my brain, I just think think think. So having an unorganized sort of pointless place to sit these fleeting thoughts is fun, in ways.  In the front of said journal, I've been writing down story ideas and annotating poems and songs. 

    Well, since I'm sort of on the topic of YouTube videos (horrible segue), I've been watching a lot more 'long form' media. Youtube is still such a cool place to me, and this month I feel like I've gotten back into watching it regularly. I tried watching true crime again, I love the channel Unpredictable, but watching true crime videos back to back is just not good for me-- and probably not all that great for anyone. What I've been watching the most of is Mythical Kitchen's "Last Meals" and Brittany Broski's "Royal Court". The surgence of this interview style has made me so happy because it feels so casual and real. I really enjoy seeing all the different ways these people like at life and death, all that comes in between. I found two ASMR artists I really like. I used to listen to ASMR every single night but I haven't done that in a long while. Instead I'll put it on in the aground opposed to music. Ok so first, RL ASMR is so great. His ASMR feels like older ASMR. His videos are very simple, dark lighting, no fancy effects, and he kind of just rambles. he doesn't do mouth sounds or anything, I can not stand mouth sounds. I also started watching Hannah Jane, her videos are so cute, they remind me of when I'd play pretend growing up. I also came across these medical exam videos that are accidentally ASMR, put me right to sleep oh my goodness. 

    I've been really intentional about being media literate. That's something that I've always sort of tried to be aware of, but it feels far more important with the current state of things. I'm taking a media literacy class, and it made me realize how smart people actually are, let me explain. I tend to assume the human race is doomed, people aren't using their heads anymore, blah blah. People are thinking people are seeing the wrong going on.  I just need to keep reminding myself that. Sometimes I wish I was less media aware, I would't be so worried all the time, oh well. 

    Yoga is one of my favorite things to do right now. I've been using this Spotify playlist called 417 Hz, I'm not sure why I like it? the sounds are fun. Apparently it's a frequency that helps dissolve negative never and limited thinking...hm.... I like to put a handle on and turn most of the lights off in my room, then I play the yoga video on my iPad. iPads are so fun. I feel like it's such a perfect medium between an iPhone and a laptop. Pinterest is best formatted on a iPad, same for YouTube. Anyway, I'd like to start going to the gym. Not a New year resolution! I just really miss using a treadmill. 

    Alright, now it's time to go on a bit of a tangent that should sort of tie all these little blurbs together. But, this is just sort of things that have been on my mind so it's more than likely going to end up all over the place. So, the internet predicting 2026 to be the year of "analog" .  What this means is we should resort back to physical media-- things like CDs, DVDs, and Books. Carry an iPod with you, take pictures on your digital camera, use your phone less-- in fact, switch to a flip phone or a blackberry. Initially, this sounded great to me. We should be on our devices less, physical media is great, it's fun. But, it made me think about a few years ago when everyone was "switching to flip phones".  It very much appears like this was a genuine shift, people were trashing their iPhones in place for something more simple, less consuming. But what was really happening? Yes, flip phones were being bought, but the people making this "switch" were posting about it from their iPhone. Thats not to say that some people didn't actually follow through with this, I just don't think thats what majority of these people ended up doing. That flip phone likely ended up forgotten in a junk drawer after a few weeks. So back to the year of analog. Opening up the world of physical media and presenting it as a trend isn't going to have any real effect. 

    What I can picture so many people doing is going to their local thrift store, scraping the shelf of single dollar CDs, DVDs, you name it-- taking home this new found collection home, posting about it, and then it dies out (such as all trends do), and then the collection ends up back in a second hand store. The "analog bag" is part of this trend. It's a bag made  of things like sketchbooks, books, portable cd player, puzzles, coloring books, a digital camera. What rubs me the wrong way about this is that the "analog bag" is being sold as this completely new idea to simulate life before advanced technology. I just find it very strange that it's viewed as a new concept to bring these items with you. I'm someone who collects all kinds of physical media. A collection is something-- at least to me-- that takes time and is done with purpose. But like I've said, by labeling an "analog movement" as a trend damages the entire point of actually going analog. It's just a consumption trend. People love the idea of going analog, trust me, I do too. But we don't want to give up the immediate connection and media we have access to. 

I think that's all I have to say for now. I'll try to write on here more, it's fun. Bye Bye! 

    

    

 

August to October

      I have two blogs, this one I'd like to use for simply just rambling. An unassuming--little corner of the internet for me and the few people that find me. In August I turned eighteen, which to be entirely honest, I thought it would be a big deal. Eighteen, the age I longed for when I was little and dreaded as it got closer. An age I thought would be full of independence and responsibility-- immaculate change. Instead, it passed in a simple day of school, with a small cake, and that was all. I didn't feel much different or older even, but the same. I'm grateful for it really, I tend to get utterly depressed around my birthday. This time around it wasn't as dreadful apart from a few little things, but again it was fine. Simply a day in time, and I'm all the glad for it.  

    I started college on my birthday, I really do like it--much more than high school. I actually don't miss high school one bit. College 'culture' suits me more, I think it suits most more. Everything is more independent (I know thats the point); you choose your friends, your classes, your pace. I'm majoring in film, but likely won't take any film classes until my second year. My favorite class at the moment is Sociology, which I wish was in person. I genuinely find the readings interesting. That's really all I have to say on that.

    I visited my cousin, I love my cousin so much, she's like a sister to me. It was a very brief visit, but we went and got boba and things like that-- I'll see her later this month actually, for a concert. I made a puppet, I guess I should explain this. I've always been very into puppetry, but it's taken me this long to make a puppet on my own. Anyway I made a few videos with him, he's this fuzzy orange thing. Some of the videos did well and I've found myself in a community in people I've always wanted to be in (if you guessed puppet people you'd be right). 

    I've been drawing a lot more, college has given me the time to be creative that high school didn't. I went on a roadtrip with some of my friends to Oklahoma for a military graduation. I really enjoyed it, and Oklahoma is surprisingly pretty, we went to a national park and drove around as the sun was going down.

The graduation was on the military base a lived in for a time, I was very little and only remember it in cloudy, short memories. What I did remember was my house--and the window that belonged to the room in which I'd wait for my dad to get home from work, watching a few select videos from YouTube. It's weird to think that at the time, YouTube was very new. I remember watching The Duck Song over and over, and the Banana Phone song by Raffi. We hit a few antique stores towards the end of our trip. I got some Muppet goods which I was very excited about. I'm a huge Muppet fan. 

    The weather has been cooler, surprisingly. Fall is my favorite. I'm going as Mrs. Hannigan for halloween, I've always loved her, I saw a local production of Annie recently and decided then. Oh! I've started collecting DVDs, it's far cheaper than renting or buying a movie. I can go to GoodWill and get a quality movie for less than a dollar. I really think thats all I have to say for now. I mostly have old friends and fall on my mind.

            

Losing Friends

      I think people forget how important friendships really are. It's still a relationship, one that can be strong. So when things go wrong, and the relationship changes entirely, it hurts-- a lot. I've never been in a romantic relationship, I've wouldn't really say I've wanted one either. What I have had are deep friendship bonds that serve as one of my most important relationships when they do exist. In high school, I think sophomore year I formed a very close relationship with a girl, she was wonderful--we were wonderful. We were the duo in our grade, we were always together. Junior year we both grew up together closer, and then at the end of the year, we moved far away from each other. Even through this our relationship stayed strong, we'd visit each other every few months, we'd FaceTime most nights,  we shared everything. Things only started to change around New Year's Eve of senior year. She had been drinking, something she normally wouldn't had done, and she met someone--someone she would go on to date. 

     I didn't have any immediate issues with her partner, but they later proved to not be the best of people, especially for my friend. I think not would be a good time to mention I'm trying my best so spare big personal details. Anyway, her partner started to really want to know me, and got upset when I didn't want to interact with them. I don't feel that I should have to like my friend's partner, especially when we live so far away from each other, it doesn't truly affect anyone--eventually my friend agreed on that. 

    This summer my friend came and visited me, I was so excited, it felt like we hadn't seen each other in a while. The entire trip she was distracted with her partner, who was actively causing issues just to stir the pot. I didn't have a great time, I felt disregarded in a way. It was only when she got home that she apologized and told me other things that had happened while she was visiting-- lying to me, that sort of thing. I lost a certain level of trust in her, that and a feeling of importance that had strongly existed before.We sort of talked it out, I explained my frustration and how I felt, but then nothing changed.  

     As of yesterday, we are no longer friends and no longer in contact. I broke the contact, but it still hurts. It's less of mourning a person, but more so the relationship I had with her, and maybe mourning the person she used to be. People change, people are allowed to change, but maybe our changed selves don't really work together how they used to. 

    I think close and long friendships are real, lifelong friendships do happen--but I think trying to hold on to that idea while a friendship is changing or breaking can makes things worse. Someone can be your 'person' during a period of your life, but you'll continue to find your people as you go on, and the definition of 'your people' will change with your seasons. As much as it hurts, it's ok.