Losing Friends

      I think people forget how important friendships really are. It's still a relationship, one that can be strong. So when things go wrong, and the relationship changes entirely, it hurts-- a lot. I've never been in a romantic relationship, I've wouldn't really say I've wanted one either. What I have had are deep friendship bonds that serve as one of my most important relationships when they do exist. In high school, I think sophomore year I formed a very close relationship with a girl, she was wonderful--we were wonderful. We were the duo in our grade, we were always together. Junior year we both grew up together closer, and then at the end of the year, we moved far away from each other. Even through this our relationship stayed strong, we'd visit each other every few months, we'd FaceTime most nights,  we shared everything. Things only started to change around New Year's Eve of senior year. She had been drinking, something she normally wouldn't had done, and she met someone--someone she would go on to date. 

     I didn't have any immediate issues with her partner, but they later proved to not be the best of people, especially for my friend. I think not would be a good time to mention I'm trying my best so spare big personal details. Anyway, her partner started to really want to know me, and got upset when I didn't want to interact with them. I don't feel that I should have to like my friend's partner, especially when we live so far away from each other, it doesn't truly affect anyone--eventually my friend agreed on that. 

    This summer my friend came and visited me, I was so excited, it felt like we hadn't seen each other in a while. The entire trip she was distracted with her partner, who was actively causing issues just to stir the pot. I didn't have a great time, I felt disregarded in a way. It was only when she got home that she apologized and told me other things that had happened while she was visiting-- lying to me, that sort of thing. I lost a certain level of trust in her, that and a feeling of importance that had strongly existed before.We sort of talked it out, I explained my frustration and how I felt, but then nothing changed.  

     As of yesterday, we are no longer friends and no longer in contact. I broke the contact, but it still hurts. It's less of mourning a person, but more so the relationship I had with her, and maybe mourning the person she used to be. People change, people are allowed to change, but maybe our changed selves don't really work together how they used to. 

    I think close and long friendships are real, lifelong friendships do happen--but I think trying to hold on to that idea while a friendship is changing or breaking can makes things worse. Someone can be your 'person' during a period of your life, but you'll continue to find your people as you go on, and the definition of 'your people' will change with your seasons. As much as it hurts, it's ok.